When my grandmother was depressed she said that she felt blue. Blue for her was a sad time. My grandmother also had beautiful pale blue eyes. I have hazel eyes, but lately they have been feeling very blue.
I'm not unhappy, but I am blue and I've become so sad that I dragged down my old medicine tub from the top shelf in the bathroom closet to see if I could find my old prescription of generic paxil which I haven't taken for a few years. There it was, outdated, but then it was all I had until I could call my doctor and get a new script.
It's been 5 days now for the paxil and longer for the sadness. I had fought the feelings for about a week before I realized that they weren't going away. I tried all the usual hep talk and even self bullying, but I could take less and less action each day. Now I am kinder to myself and have treated the problem as though I have the flu or any other illness and I am no longer thinking that I have to talk myself out of this. I hate wasting the precious last days of this summer weather, when I really want to be outside in my garden, but my interest in anything that usually gives me pleasure is diminished for right now. I don't want to go anywhere or see anyone. I don't even care if I eat. Food just doesn't taste good. All the classic symptoms of depression-right? But like I said before, I am not really unhappy.
I haven't had anything in my life or relationships to cause me unhappiness. My daughter and my friend Aine are very supportive of me. I am guessing that my brain chemistry is just temporarily out of sync which the Paxil should take care of eventually. I have to get off the computer for now, Rexy is nagging me. He wants to use it for his blog.
