Friday

HAZEL BLUE EYES

When my grandmother was depressed she said that she felt blue. Blue for her was a sad time. My grandmother also had beautiful pale blue eyes.  I have hazel eyes, but lately they have been feeling very blue.
I'm not unhappy, but I am blue and I've become so sad that I dragged down my old medicine tub from the top shelf in the bathroom closet to see if I could find my old prescription of generic paxil which I haven't taken for a few years. There it was, outdated, but then it was all I had until I could call my doctor and get a new script.
It's been 5 days now for the paxil and longer for the sadness. I had fought the feelings for about a week before I realized that they weren't going away. I tried all the usual hep talk and even self bullying, but I could take less and less action each day. Now I am kinder to myself and have treated the problem as though I have the flu or any other illness and I am no longer thinking that I have to talk myself out of this. I hate wasting the precious last days of this summer weather, when I really want to be outside in my garden, but my interest in anything that usually gives me pleasure is diminished for right now. I don't want to go anywhere or see anyone. I don't even care if I eat. Food just doesn't taste good. All the classic symptoms of depression-right? But like I said before, I am not really unhappy.
I haven't had anything in my life or relationships to cause me unhappiness. My daughter and my friend Aine are very supportive of me. I am guessing that my brain chemistry is just temporarily out of sync which the Paxil should take care of eventually. I have to get off the computer for now, Rexy is nagging me. He wants to use it for his blog.

7 comments:

  1. Hey Lady :) I know what you mean, been there felt that...I have to keep reminding myself this quote: 'Be of good cheer, I've overcome the world', I thank God for Christ words that always get me over the hump. Hey do I have to send Cher over to smack you and say, Get over it! hahaha, you make me laugh cause sometimes I need just that. Be glad you can hug Rexy, I'm coming back and clear with no residual pain (answered prayer:) Now to hug everyone:)Do you come to Ferndale often? Did you work at St.Joe's? My landlord is Judy Gallagher she worked in xrays, too. Enjoy your day...go visit Polyvore.com and check out my art on: augustana
    http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?id=382831

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